Experiencing Chicago in 3 days...Chicago, do you not like me?
I know I haven’t written anything in some time, but this weekend warrants it. I was roped into spending a good chunk of change in Chicago -in a hotel I would have never booked and with a person I would never want to see again. Flashback Dallas- I worked with this person a long time ago and knew her to be slightly superficial. She called me a month ago, gave me a sad story of being dumped and wished she could see me again sometime soon. I foolishly albeit courteously offered Chicago as a weekend getaway. I felt bad that she got dumped by her rich 52 year old married “boyfriend” who had 4 kids and liked horse-racing. FYI, her initials are SB which is surprisingly also an abbreviation for Skan*y Bi*ch.
Fastforward weekend- Day 1 When I met her at the hotel, she was sitting at the bar. She met me out at the lobby in a sundress that was …really a long shirt…with a really deep neck. She said that I should freshen up and meet her at the bar. 20 minutes later, I walk into the bar and see her chatting up with some guy. Turns out guy is 51, single and loaded. Let’s call him grandpa. So grandpa said he had a PhD in logical philosophy but didn’t know who Carnap was. Grandpa also kept referring to his girlfriend who we will refer to as “imaginary friend”. Anyway grandpa was so smitten by SB, he bought our drinks all night, ordered expensive champagne and drove us around. All before we went to Sound Bar (because SB heard it was cool and wanted to be seen there) and he got thrown out of the line. Turns out grandpa doesn’t carry an ID ..because he looks like a grandpa and didn’t expect the fine burly gentleman outside Sound bar to ask for ID. No ID No Entry- official Sound bar policy :). I think grandpa went home to his imaginary friend. We went inside Sound bar, she didn’t find any other guys to buy her drinks, so we went back to the hotel.
Day2- Shopping..only at Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus because SB doesn’t want to buy un-classy clothes. Memorable quotes of the day : format- "SB quotes"(And my personal thought of it) - “My b**bs look so good don’t they? “ (Me- Yes thats all I look at all day) ”All these guys keep looking at me.” (Me- huh?) “I hooked up with so many cute guys in South Beach” (Me-so do other sl*ts) “I hang out with celebrities all the time” (Me-Sure you do) “Oh look grandpa is texting me again and asking me out on a date:” (Me-aww thats cute ..you shoudl buy him some Bengay) “I want to get laid so bad” (Me- cant help you ..I dont know anyone who's into commercial s*x) "I am a part of this exclusive social networking group that is by-invite only" (Me- duh, I know how escort services work) "Ever since I lost weight, I look classy" (Me-yes as classy as an expensive wh*re)....anyway, since I had decided that I was going to be drunk every time she talks, all this was very funny in a Sienfeld kind of way. Later that night she kept mentioning that she wanted to meet some guy she knew from South Beach who was in Chicago now. This guy, let’s call him, fratboy, apparently was like a brother to her who also happens to have a hot body and a lot of cute guy friends. Long story short, she basically left me at a bar without telling me she was leaving and turned up at the hotel room in the morning the next day. I went to bed on a Saturday night, on a vacation in Chicago, at 11:30 pm. yeah.
Day3- I woke up alone in the room. Got coffee, looked at the nice day outside and decided to take a stroll. Before I could leave, she arrives in the room and pretends nothing happened. I never ask her where she was, why she left yadayada ya. Later during lunch she tells me that she had apparently told me that she was leaving the bar and went to meet fratboy. Her- “It was really fun, there were so many cute guys and I kissed 3 of them, I had so much fun, you should have been there” Me- “You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you didn’t call me later” Her-“Oh it was so crowded there, I probably forgot” (Theory of Relativity actually says that it is a logical statement). She added that she slept at fratboy’s place and he was sleeping next to her, naked, holding her all night. Me- “That’s doesn’t sound very brotherly” (refer to day2 comment of fratboy being brother-like) She-“No it was nothing really, I felt so safe” Me- “Dr. Phil would not think so”. It was a very quiet afternoon where no one really spoke, we checked out of the hotel and I was ready to leave Chicago. In the hotel lobby, she thinks she forgot her electric toothbrush. Since she couldnt find it, she throws a fit, opens her bags, screams at the hotel staff for stealing her $200 toothbrush and asks me to check my bag to see if I accidentally took it. No SB, I wouldnt take anything of yours, not even a pen you write with much less your dirty f*cking toothbrush – god knows where your mouth has been. She mentions that the toothbrush was given to her by her ex but now she would have to buy one. Sniff Sniff. When she asked me if I could walk her out when she was leaving for the airport, I said “No, I think Im going to stay at the bar here, it nice and cool…oh and I’ll keep an eye out for your toothbrush in case I see someone with it”.
Fastforward weekend- Day 1 When I met her at the hotel, she was sitting at the bar. She met me out at the lobby in a sundress that was …really a long shirt…with a really deep neck. She said that I should freshen up and meet her at the bar. 20 minutes later, I walk into the bar and see her chatting up with some guy. Turns out guy is 51, single and loaded. Let’s call him grandpa. So grandpa said he had a PhD in logical philosophy but didn’t know who Carnap was. Grandpa also kept referring to his girlfriend who we will refer to as “imaginary friend”. Anyway grandpa was so smitten by SB, he bought our drinks all night, ordered expensive champagne and drove us around. All before we went to Sound Bar (because SB heard it was cool and wanted to be seen there) and he got thrown out of the line. Turns out grandpa doesn’t carry an ID ..because he looks like a grandpa and didn’t expect the fine burly gentleman outside Sound bar to ask for ID. No ID No Entry- official Sound bar policy :). I think grandpa went home to his imaginary friend. We went inside Sound bar, she didn’t find any other guys to buy her drinks, so we went back to the hotel.
Day2- Shopping..only at Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus because SB doesn’t want to buy un-classy clothes. Memorable quotes of the day : format- "SB quotes"(And my personal thought of it) - “My b**bs look so good don’t they? “ (Me- Yes thats all I look at all day) ”All these guys keep looking at me.” (Me- huh?) “I hooked up with so many cute guys in South Beach” (Me-so do other sl*ts) “I hang out with celebrities all the time” (Me-Sure you do) “Oh look grandpa is texting me again and asking me out on a date:” (Me-aww thats cute ..you shoudl buy him some Bengay) “I want to get laid so bad” (Me- cant help you ..I dont know anyone who's into commercial s*x) "I am a part of this exclusive social networking group that is by-invite only" (Me- duh, I know how escort services work) "Ever since I lost weight, I look classy" (Me-yes as classy as an expensive wh*re)....anyway, since I had decided that I was going to be drunk every time she talks, all this was very funny in a Sienfeld kind of way. Later that night she kept mentioning that she wanted to meet some guy she knew from South Beach who was in Chicago now. This guy, let’s call him, fratboy, apparently was like a brother to her who also happens to have a hot body and a lot of cute guy friends. Long story short, she basically left me at a bar without telling me she was leaving and turned up at the hotel room in the morning the next day. I went to bed on a Saturday night, on a vacation in Chicago, at 11:30 pm. yeah.
Day3- I woke up alone in the room. Got coffee, looked at the nice day outside and decided to take a stroll. Before I could leave, she arrives in the room and pretends nothing happened. I never ask her where she was, why she left yadayada ya. Later during lunch she tells me that she had apparently told me that she was leaving the bar and went to meet fratboy. Her- “It was really fun, there were so many cute guys and I kissed 3 of them, I had so much fun, you should have been there” Me- “You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you didn’t call me later” Her-“Oh it was so crowded there, I probably forgot” (Theory of Relativity actually says that it is a logical statement). She added that she slept at fratboy’s place and he was sleeping next to her, naked, holding her all night. Me- “That’s doesn’t sound very brotherly” (refer to day2 comment of fratboy being brother-like) She-“No it was nothing really, I felt so safe” Me- “Dr. Phil would not think so”. It was a very quiet afternoon where no one really spoke, we checked out of the hotel and I was ready to leave Chicago. In the hotel lobby, she thinks she forgot her electric toothbrush. Since she couldnt find it, she throws a fit, opens her bags, screams at the hotel staff for stealing her $200 toothbrush and asks me to check my bag to see if I accidentally took it. No SB, I wouldnt take anything of yours, not even a pen you write with much less your dirty f*cking toothbrush – god knows where your mouth has been. She mentions that the toothbrush was given to her by her ex but now she would have to buy one. Sniff Sniff. When she asked me if I could walk her out when she was leaving for the airport, I said “No, I think Im going to stay at the bar here, it nice and cool…oh and I’ll keep an eye out for your toothbrush in case I see someone with it”.
posted by vanitha at 10:57 AM
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