Electric Coffee Experiment

Experiencing Chicago in 3 days...Chicago, do you not like me?

2008-07-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

I know I haven’t written anything in some time, but this weekend warrants it. I was roped into spending a good chunk of change in Chicago -in a hotel I would have never booked and with a person I would never want to see again. Flashback Dallas- I worked with this person a long time ago and knew her to be slightly superficial. She called me a month ago, gave me a sad story of being dumped and wished she could see me again sometime soon. I foolishly albeit courteously offered Chicago as a weekend getaway. I felt bad that she got dumped by her rich 52 year old married “boyfriend” who had 4 kids and liked horse-racing. FYI, her initials are SB which is surprisingly also an abbreviation for Skan*y Bi*ch.

Fastforward weekend- Day 1 When I met her at the hotel, she was sitting at the bar. She met me out at the lobby in a sundress that was …really a long shirt…with a really deep neck. She said that I should freshen up and meet her at the bar. 20 minutes later, I walk into the bar and see her chatting up with some guy. Turns out guy is 51, single and loaded. Let’s call him grandpa. So grandpa said he had a PhD in logical philosophy but didn’t know who Carnap was. Grandpa also kept referring to his girlfriend who we will refer to as “imaginary friend”. Anyway grandpa was so smitten by SB, he bought our drinks all night, ordered expensive champagne and drove us around. All before we went to Sound Bar (because SB heard it was cool and wanted to be seen there) and he got thrown out of the line. Turns out grandpa doesn’t carry an ID ..because he looks like a grandpa and didn’t expect the fine burly gentleman outside Sound bar to ask for ID. No ID No Entry- official Sound bar policy :). I think grandpa went home to his imaginary friend. We went inside Sound bar, she didn’t find any other guys to buy her drinks, so we went back to the hotel.

Day2- Shopping..only at Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus because SB doesn’t want to buy un-classy clothes. Memorable quotes of the day : format- "SB quotes"(And my personal thought of it) - “My b**bs look so good don’t they? “ (Me- Yes thats all I look at all day) ”All these guys keep looking at me.” (Me- huh?) “I hooked up with so many cute guys in South Beach” (Me-so do other sl*ts) “I hang out with celebrities all the time” (Me-Sure you do) “Oh look grandpa is texting me again and asking me out on a date:” (Me-aww thats cute ..you shoudl buy him some Bengay) “I want to get laid so bad” (Me- cant help you ..I dont know anyone who's into commercial s*x) "I am a part of this exclusive social networking group that is by-invite only" (Me- duh, I know how escort services work) "Ever since I lost weight, I look classy" (Me-yes as classy as an expensive wh*re)....anyway, since I had decided that I was going to be drunk every time she talks, all this was very funny in a Sienfeld kind of way. Later that night she kept mentioning that she wanted to meet some guy she knew from South Beach who was in Chicago now. This guy, let’s call him, fratboy, apparently was like a brother to her who also happens to have a hot body and a lot of cute guy friends. Long story short, she basically left me at a bar without telling me she was leaving and turned up at the hotel room in the morning the next day. I went to bed on a Saturday night, on a vacation in Chicago, at 11:30 pm. yeah.

Day3- I woke up alone in the room. Got coffee, looked at the nice day outside and decided to take a stroll. Before I could leave, she arrives in the room and pretends nothing happened. I never ask her where she was, why she left yadayada ya. Later during lunch she tells me that she had apparently told me that she was leaving the bar and went to meet fratboy. Her- “It was really fun, there were so many cute guys and I kissed 3 of them, I had so much fun, you should have been there” Me- “You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you didn’t call me later” Her-“Oh it was so crowded there, I probably forgot” (Theory of Relativity actually says that it is a logical statement). She added that she slept at fratboy’s place and he was sleeping next to her, naked, holding her all night. Me- “That’s doesn’t sound very brotherly” (refer to day2 comment of fratboy being brother-like) She-“No it was nothing really, I felt so safe” Me- “Dr. Phil would not think so”. It was a very quiet afternoon where no one really spoke, we checked out of the hotel and I was ready to leave Chicago. In the hotel lobby, she thinks she forgot her electric toothbrush. Since she couldnt find it, she throws a fit, opens her bags, screams at the hotel staff for stealing her $200 toothbrush and asks me to check my bag to see if I accidentally took it. No SB, I wouldnt take anything of yours, not even a pen you write with much less your dirty f*cking toothbrush – god knows where your mouth has been. She mentions that the toothbrush was given to her by her ex but now she would have to buy one. Sniff Sniff. When she asked me if I could walk her out when she was leaving for the airport, I said “No, I think Im going to stay at the bar here, it nice and cool…oh and I’ll keep an eye out for your toothbrush in case I see someone with it”.

My original recipes

2008-04-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

In case some day some one thinks of the same and makes it famous .....This is my time stamp to recipes I have thought of without any prior external input (4/10/2008)

My Original Recipes

Cocktails

1. Bloody Subbalakshmi: Vodka drink
2. Yoga high: Green tea liquor Vodka drink

Appetizers/Salad

1. Bacon Bouquet with greens and vinaigrette

2. Taro Chip with sake drunk hamachi and pineapple pulp

3. Flavored fruit aspic on queso blanco

4. Flourless shrimp taco ***

5. Grape leaves stuffed with thai talapia

6. Steamed wontons with coconut legume sauce

7. Naan frittata ***

8. Mango spiced salmon nigiri with chocolate caramel strip

Entrees

1. Quail adobo with mashed potato and moong

2. Pan seared scallops with japanese reduction

3. Paprika tuna steak with south indian pearl onions

4. Cumin peppercorn steak with baby potatoes and plum tomatoes

Dessert

1. Rasberry tea jelly with pearls
2. Fresh strawberry with corriander cream
3. Scrambled mangoes

*** These are twists on things I saw on TV/Internet

Experiencing Chicago in 6 hours

2007-10-08T19:34:00.001-07:00

As some of you know, I was in training for the Chicago marathon since March of this year. The race is a standard 26.2 miles (42 kilometers) course that takes you through the city downtown, western suburbs, Chinatown and Chicago lake front. Sounds beautiful doesn't it? It is. 40,000 participants and around 100,000 spectators. Lots of cheering, jazz bands, live music, drag queens and Chinese drums to keep the 40,000 idiots (me included) running. I have never experienced a collective energy like this ever before. I have never trained for anything like this before and just standing there with the others at the start line was worth the 7 months of not drinking on Fridays, waking at 6:00 am for long runs on Saturdays and Sundays and spending Mondays wondering why I was doing this to myself.

Now for the bad part (you probably anticipated this coming, didn't you): Chicago weather by Oct is generally a high of mid-60's F (18 to 19 C) which is perfect for running. Perfect. Chicago temperature yesterday, the day of the marathon, was a high of 93F (34 C) with humidity of 80%. Thats a muggy summer day in Bombay. Imagine running for 4.15 hrs in that weather. The 4.15 hrs was my goal to finish the race. I thought since it is SO hot, I would add 15 to 30 minutes and finish by 4 hrs 45 minutes. I wish. By mile 7, my knee started bothering me, by mile 10, I was feeling the 93 F heat. At mile 14, as I sweat every ounce of moisture from my body, the Kenyan runner had finished the fucking race. Also, at the 14th mile, the guy in front of me just collapsed and fainted. Very encouraging. At mile 17, I had gone thru 7 glasses of water, 4 packs of salt (yuck), 3 energy gel packs and a lot of pain-denial. Thats when the police started stopping us saying the race was canceled. A guy was dead because of running in that weather and about 300 ppl hospitalized. But as any other runner would react in that situation, I kept running.

So to REALLY stop us from running anymore, the police started hosing us down with water. They opened the fire hydrants on both sides of the street and made sure all of us were wet, very very wet. So now, I was completely drenched, with shoes full of water that made running a oh-so-nasty experience. You would think that should have made me stop right? Oh no...Of course I wanted those blisters in my feet. At mile 20, I stopped running and started limping. Two of the blisters on my sole had burst and I was wincing with every step. The police by this time started gathering up ppl and boarding them on buses. I waited to get on one for 40 minutes. Gave up. Decided to walk the rest of 6 miles. By mile 25, since I was getting so used to the fucking pain, I decided to run again :). So I ran the last 1.2 miles. Finished the race running. Woo-hoo. In 6 hours. So much for my time goal.

Moral of the story: Should you run? Yes. But expect running-addiction and lack of common sense when it comes to running.

Would I do it again? Of course. (Proof to the moral of the story)

Any funny incidents? Yes: Guy in front of me with the shirt 'I'm slow, Get the fuck over it' .
Woman spectator with a sign at mile 17 saying ' How are your nipples doing'.
Guy with the sign at mile 14 "The Kenyan has already won this, I'm going home'

How am I feeling? Like ass. I decided to go to office today (a codeine induced decision). Am on painkillers and eating for 4 people.

Any insights? Yes. Indian genes are shitty when it comes to running. Indian genes are a life-saver when it comes to running in 93F weather and not getting a sun-stroke.
Kenyans are weird

Sympathy, congratulations and moral support expected from you guys.

Best email thread ever

2007-09-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

From D:
what's the latest with you? I got to admit I am hyperventilating... dreading the prospect of going back to india at this point. My bro's getting married in a couple of weeks. life's going to be a mix of guilt trips, faked bacchanalian excess and keeping the company of you know ...., married people all the while looking fidgety and inventing plans for the future on the fly. Oh it's not a disease but I hate (nay despise) such an imposition, let alone insinuation of supposed cure of ills. Anyhow, I hope this reaches you like some blast from the past and the message seems vaguely out of context (what with how life has changed). While rehab is for quitters you should tell me how you've changed it all around. I need some faux panache they don't sell at the liquor store anymore.

and could you ignore the perfunctory salutation..
________________________________________
From: Me
Oh Mr.D,
You obviously didn't miss the flair-for-the-dramatics gene. Between that and your San Francisco diet, you definitely sound hormonal. I could suggest that you suck it up at the wedding but that would be too lucid of an advice. So I'll try to stick to my stereotype (an intelligent beautiful girl with a very complicated lifestyle and a weakness for rum drinks) and tell you something that goes along with my aforementioned personality.

" D - In the grand scheme of things people like you and I are always better off than others because of our intellectual hunger. Your mom, dad, chittappa, chitti, periaapa, periamma etc. are structured from a relatively simple mold and WILL - no-no, CANNOT understand what we go through. Although your mom and dad would probably leave you alone because they have a pet project (your bro) at hand to deal with, it would be others who would want to set you up with a 'nalla ponna' (or whatever the malayalam equivalent of a coconut tree is). So you have two choices - give them your shtick on philosophy of life/why you are single or just say something controversial (albeit true?) like 'Im a lesbian trapped in a man's body". I personally think that the L- word would throw them off for good 2 hours."

Interestingly, I thought of calling you this saturday as I was browsing through my cell's phone book sitting on the toilet. Maybe that's too much information. As for rehab- Ain't got the time and daddy thinks I'm fine. Plus I think my insurance wouldn't cover it. Rest is good. Life is beautiful. Strawberry fields forever.

________________________________________
From:: D
You're killing me di.. I was looking for the voice of reason not a personal ad about how you're rollin on dubs, drink cristal for breakfast and rollin 20's on strppers to do lines... all good on most days of the week, just that I'm emotionally vulnerable right now..so please some respect here?

Ok I'm also getting pansy and soft, this norcal lifestyle does that to you. anyhow, the lesbian thing will help.. will pack eyeliner. let's see if they can handle me going emo goth on their ass with running mascara. think it'll be bit too much if I wear a scarf in chennai?

hows you? actually interested.. I've stepped away from the ledge (just for a bit)...

________________________________________
From me::
Fine Fine
seriously, a scarf would be a tad too much. Are you feeling vulnerable because of the situation (ie. you being subjected to countless conversations about being single) or is it because your bro getting married is somehow making you feel more single/lonely/too-much-of-change-hence-nervous ?
________________________________________
From::D
Dear intellectual hunger - currently in chennai and yet despite the three year hiatus from its dust,humidity and food have come to realize that it is no longer home. Also dawned that my parents are aging (and broke). Makes living self-absorbed san fran like a "let them eat cake" lifestyle. La vie en rose has moved on and I still linger for the schoolboy kicks and its grating.. any of this makes sense?

And from all this I may have a ways to go yet to hail lofty ideals that are on the horizon armsreach. Oh, becoming a man is a bitch... despite ease for me than most, no..
________________________________________
From me::
Parents age (so do you ...everybody poops). But Im sure they can take care of themselves and are not as miserable as you think they are. Trust me, when I met my parents t his year, I didn't know how they made it from a place to another without completely getting lost. I felt like I should be taking care of them as they have been childlike...anyways I've been told (and believe) that its natural for them to regress and for you to feel bad about their regression.

The 'manly' thing for you to do is the fulfill their super-Indian ideal of 'being settled' ...so essentially find a good woman, make babies and give them something to talk about with their relatives. Believe me there is nothing else that is going to please them
________________________________________
From: :D
Please them... no no. Woman this about change of direction. I can see it coming from the crows nest and yet the rest of the crew has busy bemused itself with dice and other miscellanea games of chance on the poop deck. I'm the dissenting voice in a cruise to oblivion. ..for now. And if I keep thinking about this nothing will happen. Either I panic myself into doing this or pressure of somesort, you see deadlines and mad rushes are what make me feel alive (just barely) to want to respond...so at the end of the day this is the NY times signing-off saying they have WMD's and the need to go to war is irrefutable... lets see if the rest of me falls for it.

My inquiries and affectation to uncle ben and his run-over poodle.

much love,

P.S. And how come you're immune to all this? Why am I even bothering you with this bilge?.. this this thread which feels like a beer-divined mind-bending conversation that nobody'll remember the next day.

________________________________________
From me::
If deadlines and rushes invoke your feeble responses, I say your parents and relatives are doing the right thing to you. Your norCal existence has pushed me to ask this - whose team are you playing for these days? Your talk makes my midwest influenced gaydar beep over and over again.
Aiyoo Coffee beans .....

Ok Are you 1) having an existential meltdown 2) having too much local dope 3) Gay and confused 4) Straight and confused?
If its 4) all I can say is welcome to the club. If you pretend really hard, it could go away. I am not immune to this..you should know better. I do have to say this- your thoughts albeit being all over the place may have some pattern that a board certified shrink can identify and help you with.

Thair-sadam my man thair-sadam ...thats the answer.________________________________________

Thodi is my thair sadam

2007-07-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

I discovered something new about myself this past weekend! (apart from the sad fact that Im allergic to avocado) Thodi is my music equivalent of thair sadam - tada!!!
(To the ppl who do not know of Thodi - Thodi is a super duper carnatic music ragam that makes me happy and thair sadam means curd rice which also makes me very happy)

So I was sick (avocado induced hurling) and sad (hurling and hugging the toliet) this weekend. The typical closet tamilian that I am, my first instinct was to load up on thair sadam and talk to mommy (which I did- she says everything will be ok). And then I wanted to lay down and listen to music - so then came the all important question - what do I listen to? Should I impress myself with my indie music collection? Plays songs from bands that only the bands know about? Feel proud that I listen to music that will become famous 4 months from now? And while Im listening to this music watch Current TV? How about I complete the trifecta by reading sushi recipes? How cool and soho would I be eh???

But all that seemed like too much work - all I wanted was to listen to good old thodi songs preferabbly by M.S.Subbalakshmi and eat thair sadam and revel in the fact that I would, at that point make my daddy proud. And thats what I did- I cannot tell you how comforting thair and thodi are for me ... And know what? While I was listening to Thodi and eating my thair sadam, I looked online for carnatic composers and their work in Thodi ragam. Copied songs, talams and composer names onto a spreadsheet, drew a pivot table to see who did the most work in Thodi ragam and made a pie chart of the same...turns out that Thygaraja had the most number of thodi krithis..totally smoked Dikshitar and Papansam Sivan! How cool is that???

(Thyagaraja, Dikshitar and P.Sivan : carnatic music :: biggie, tupac and P.diddy : rap music)

Oh BTW Biggie was right...

Late-afternoon/caffience-crash-induced-IM

2007-03-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

me: kundi
Anonymous friend: kusu
me: kuppai
Anonymous friend: poochee
me: kaka
Anonymous friend: pee
me: pee-tunni
Anonymous friend: pee-nari
me: panni-pee
Anonymous friend: yanai-pee
me: kaka-pee
Anonymous friend: olli-pee (Olli: Thin random guy we know)
me: he doesnt have pee da
Anonymous friend: yeah ok i take it back
me: kurvi -pee
Anonymous friend: erumbu-pee vanthu
me: palli-pee
Anonymous friend: attu-pee mixed with mattu-pee
me: ur ex-roomate-pee
me: karpa-ermamaddu-pee
Anonymous friend: i love you
me: love you too
me: Im going to blog this shit

Jaded

2007-02-01T13:51:00.000-08:00

Its probably official....we are the most jaded generation to live on this earth... Look at us ...well if that's a large scope, look at the microsm of us i.e. you. Answer yes/no to the following and see the rating scale.
1.You are stressed constantly
2.You are always wondering what the next high is going to be...once that’s achieved, its back to being bored again
3. You are nervous about committing to a person because maybe there is something better out there
4. You don’t want to stick to a company because of pre-emptive logic- "Its best that I gain everything I can from here and leave for a higher salary than slog for a while and get fired"
5. You always want to make more money
6. You think that everything simple and ordinary is despicable, yet announce all the time that you crave simplicity in your life.
7. You cannot be alone (without the TV, internet, radio, cell phone, partner, magazines...some distraction)
8. You are the epitome of idealistic snobbery
9. You cannot stop thinking of bills to pay, annoying people at work, how stressed your life is, how you have no social life.
10. You know that your parents had it easy.
11. You feel like are trying to live your entire life in a week...and if you don’t people will consider you ordinary.
12. You have annoying gut feeling that things are always going to go the other way....even if they are not.
13. You have met so many different people that nothing wows you anymore.
14. You are willing to settle because its better than nothing.
15. You believe that you are intellectually superior and achieved more in less time than other generations.

Score 0-4 --> Dude, seriously either you are too young or too old to be reading this...go back to your crib or go back to your oxygen tank. You constitute a low profit marketable segment and no one cares about you anymore/yet.

Score 5-9--> You may have some denial issues here. But its good that you are mildly optimistic...denial and optimism kinda like the those smokers who think that lung cancer cant happen to them

Score 10-15 --> Welcome. Yes we are the best and yes we have every right whining constantly about how hard we work to be the best. And yes all other generations had it easy and yes they probably would never "get it" and yes anybody who doesn’t enjoy marathons, sushi, fusion gourmet cooking, alternative music and idealist libertarianism is a big loser.

Peace of mind

2006-12-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

Lately work has not been so much fun. Not because I cant analyze screen designs and page functionality but because the dude next to me belches all the f******* time. It messes with my food intake ...and maybe my sleep pattern too. Dont mean to sound like a total snob who thinks badly about other Indians....but why do some Indian guys think that not shaving, wearing "Brut" and belching is attractive ?? (Note I said "some") This guy is the personification of all the annoying things one can ever think of ...he could be the borat of India. Lets call him Bala.
1. Bala stinks. So he tries to cover up his 3-day old sambar smell by wearing Brut brought from the dollar store.
2. Bala doesnt believe in getting a haircut. If the hair that grew on your head looked like pubic hair- keep in short ...dont grow it long and try to part it with the hair gel you bought at the dollar store
3. Bala belches. A lot. All the time. No holds barred.Without apologies.
4. Bala doesnt believe in standing a feet away when talking to you. He like to stand 3 inches away from you
5. Bala belches when he talks too.. (Dude if you are reading this, I f****ing hate you for standing behind my chair, 4 inches away, belching in my ear and thinking its ok)
6.Bala thinks he's cool. Scenario 1-Me wearing a skirt- Comment- wow! (leer) gorgeous dress (leer leer) how much does it cost? (totally thinks its ok to ask that)
Scenario 2- Me walking in- Comment- Whats up partner? How is going (sic)?
7. Bala thinks its the 1950's. Bala's recent comment- quote -What you dont cook? No Indian guy will marry you hahaha. unquote Well Bala I dont how someone did marry your sorry ass.

I have no idea how Bala's of the world find some woman, get married and procreate and possibly create Balalets. The worst thing is they go to bed thinking they are the shit.

Feel so much better writing this.

Linguistic jewels from the family

2006-08-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

Some linguistic jewels from my extended family...really helpful in the unnlikely event of anybody meeting my family.

1. Kunda-Kushal: (from tamil, Kundi=ass + Kushal= happy)
A state of mind and body after a good fart

2. Bloody Subbalakshmi: (alcoholic drink)
A tamil equivalent of Bloody Mary (tomato+vodka+tabasco+pepper)
where Bloody Subbalakshmi (tomato rasam+ vodka)

3. Kundi-kissing: (from Tamil Kundi= ass)
A situation where you have rear-ended another vehicle.

4. Phrase : Doesn't know Kundi from Kashmir. (from Tamil Kundi= ass)
Used to describe a geographically challenged person....(u know..as in kashmir: top, kundi:bottom).... Can also be used to describe the stupidity of a person.

more to be added ...